12 THINGS TO DO UNDER SUB-COMANDANTE OBAMA 1) Throw away those patriotic cassettes you have on the dashboard of your car and buy shiny new CDs with the Russian national anthem on them 2) Get rid of that damned Bud Light you have in the fridge and pick up a litre of vodka at the Circle R on the way home from work 3) Turn off the Rush Limbaugh radio program on your AM radio and tune your shortwave to Radio Free Obama 4) Snitch on those neighbours of yours – you know – the ones with the giant RV parked in their front yard 5) Patriotically donate to all government fund drives 6) Trade in your cowboy hat for a fashionable olive-coloured beret 7) Keep your papers in order 8) Position your new prayer rug so that it always faces Washington, D.C. 9) Turn in your hunting rifles and handguns for gorgeous, orange water pistols 10) Buy a holder for your complimentary United Nations flag 11) Learn to get along with less...and less...and less...and less... 12) At your next open-air May day labour rally, make sure no one is near when you say, under your breath and through clenched teeth, “This is all a bad dream....” # # #