C-N-C Crypt Opener's Promise T-Shirt

I am a CRYPT OPENER in Crypts-N-Creepies and I(insert name) endeavour to transcend my mundane earthly existence for a few short hours once or twice a month (as approved by my significant other) to become (insert persona name & title), a fictional persona who exists in a make believe world, in order to learn Forbidden Knowledge, dive head first into the smoking maw of doom and selflessly liberate vast swag caches to be reintroduced back into the economic sector in order that the well-being of the unnamed masses be preserved. This and the happiness, encouragement and mutual support of my fellow crypt openers do I pledge.