Parachute Cards

"Parachutes" have an obvious link to survival. I did some homework. History of the parachute can be traced back to Leonardo Da Vinci and his 15th Century sketch of a pyramid-shaped device attached to a man. The concept of a contraption to escape tall building fires was first manufactured by Sebastian Lenormand of France. Then there is the emblematic version... Symbolically, I think the parachutes we look for and dream about, show us less painful means of dealing with certain events in our lives. An easier way "down". In the past week (and I hardly EVER remember my dreams) I've had a recurring dream of THIS flower I began working on a month ago or more. BUT, in this dream, I have a sensation of "floating" slowly downward toward terra firma with the flower. When I woke up, I went back to continue the work and eventual completion of this piece, dwelling on the empty feeling in my stomach that comes from the sensation of "falling". It's true, I've been involved in most ANYTHING to keep my mind and body occupied since my shoulder injury over a year ago. The art, the new "Skipstore" project. Woodworking (the rocking horses mainly). I've "hired out" on a limited basis, incorporating my limited construction skills. Most recently, installing a new hardwood floor for someone. Lately, I've accepted any activity to survive. I even volunteered to mow a few neighbors yards for a little extra income! BUT, there is still a lot of "free time". As this piece neared completion, my "awake thoughts" were preoccupied with examining my feelings and my failings. My inability to maintain any kind of meaningful relationship. One in particular. I'm not sure if it's right or wrong. The way I approach things I mean. Obviously in THIS case, it was wrong. When something feels so perfectly right, I tend to pursue it with a fervor and a passion that obviously is relentless and sometimes, unforgivable.. I'm not sure where this quality comes from. My Dad and Step-Dad always taught me that "anything worth doing, is worth doing right". In Boys Town, we learned the same lessons. Whether it was our on-campus jobs, our involvement in sports, "Give it your all...". Once an idea, or a concept gets into my head, I chase it. My pursuit of perfection has served me well, in some areas of life. BUT, it has also been a curse. I really don't mean to "force things" but there comes such a burning desire to know the outcome... Ohhh, Dad would often joke with me that the walls in my house would certainly collapse from the layers of paint on the walls. I wanted the color to be "just so". There have been high points and low points. It's the "lows"which often leave me feeling depressed. "You brought this on yourself" I tell myself. I think if I weave together the different themes, the flower, the floating, I'd find that it all has to do with dealing with the relationship being over. If I could communicate ANYTHING, it would be that I don't view relationships the same as an art project or woodworking chore. I DO involve myself with more vigor and imagination than I would, because it does involve another human being. When ever I mis-cut a piece of wood, or mismatch wallpaper to a paint design, I can sweep up the sawdust, toss the board and start over. Painful as it may be, I don't have the ability to just "toss" away people in my life. I guess though, we eventually make it back to earth. Hence, the "Parachute". Knowing myself as I do, it hurts me as much to know I caused someone stress and discomfort, as it does that they are gone. It wasn' intentional. Maybe more on this later....